Apparently what I didn't know was that the lady was a total bitch. I did all this work for that residence counselor position, i even drove hours away to get to Saugherties for orientation and this women just crossed the line. I could not take it. SO i called her early on in the week to fin out if she had worked out a schedule or not and when i called it seemed to me she had not so i continued to plan out my week accordingly including getting my hair done, running necessary errannds, etc. etc. oreintation comes along and i spend the entire day driving and getting lost and whatever that dayy entailed and i get over to osbourne hill. first of all the lady was not there and then second of all she had me penciled in on her paper schedule for the next day and lastly the woman who was there couldn't tell me when she'd be back.
This bitch left me the most digusting voice mail I have ever recieved from any employer and I'm very upset she left a voicemail rather than having me call her back. but anyway she threathens me, Threatens me that if i don't go to some meeting the next morning that she'll fine someone else for the position and that I should have to cancel my hair appointment and that it is very silly and that she's disappointed because i didn't put in my two weeks at the Gap and that she thinks she found the wrong person and blah blah blah. Anyway i was very upset, i was so upset i started crying. I couldn't even stand. And it's funny i was on my way to see chris to talk about part-time and I just felt like so hurt that I couldn't take that job. That woman had no right to talk to me like that, she's a fucking control freak. And if she's doing this now, and i haven't even started working, she'd probably keep doing it down the line. SO i say the hell with her. I was going to be getting paid crap anyway. Right now i'm content with the gap and I like what I'm doing and who i'm working with and the schedule is more reliable because I'm not working crazy hours each other day or night shifts so i can actually work in having a life while I'm at the Gap.
So right now i'm sorting out the wrinkles and still at the Gap but i think i made the right decision because i feel like i'm in a good position to become fulltime and evn if i don't get hired as fulltime i still would have paid all my bills and saved up enough money to put down a payment on a car. And i'll have good discounts for the holiday shoopping and the holiday bonuses which sounds like i'm not gonna get that much but it's more than nothing.
Ive heard nothing from the Peace Corps.
I went on my second date with Kamal and it went well. I came over and we watched knocked up. he tried to make out with me the entire time. we got pizza and talked and traded stories. it was a lot of fun and this weekend we are going out to the movies to see the kingdom which should be very exciting. i really like him but i'm nervous about having a serious relationship because i know that is what he wants. I want that but just not now.
I want to not be involved with guys but i keep meeting guys and i don't feel that attractive. I feel like crap, i feel like i look like crap and i feel like im not doing crap either. I'm crap-tacular. But i guess guys like that. lol. Eh, i went out and met some people but. . .funny story. one guy i went to high school with tried to talk to me. We had chemistry together, he didn't know my name or remember me at all. And he's gonna come up and talk to me like thats cool. thats not cool with me. i remember him making fun of me, i think. i'm pretty sure. he ran with the crowd that made fun of me so it's possible. i gave him my number and he texted me a few times but i have been unresponsive. I've been trying to stay in touch with those people i like. I'm trying but im becoming so forgetful when calling people back or returning messages. Speaking of messages Jay left me a myspace message. I've thought about responding but i have to find a convienent time for myself to stay in touch with him. lol.
But anyway things are ok. I want to go back to school in January if i'm not going anywhere with the peace Corps so i'm looking intowhat schools I would like to attend. I'd like to take classes online and work at the same time but i'm not sure how long i want to be living at home. i'd really like to live somewhere else. Anywhere but here.
Guinea. it finally arrived and on my birthday. I'm hysterically very happy. I can't wait to find out more about this country and its culture. I have 10 days to accept this invitation so I'm going to give myself a week to think about everything prior to accepting it. The leave date is for December 1-3 which will be orientation probably held in washington. And then 12/08- 2/24 will be pre-service training and then from there March 08- December 2010. I am very excited, it seems like such a long time because i won't be coming back home till 2010 but i think it's also becuase the leave date is in december.
I'm nervous I don't know who to tell first or even how to tell them. There's so much I have to do between now and DEcember. I won't be here for Christmas. But I already intended on not being home for christmas because i thought i was leaving in September. I can't possibly explain all the feelings I am feeling right now. I'm excited and this departure date is right around the corner, it's freakin a month and a half away. All i have left is november, but at least I get to spend thanksgiving at home with my family.
I can't believe this is really happening in less than 2 months I'm going to be in Africa. I'm going to be speaking french, i'm going to be HOT!, I'm going to be lonely, but I'm going to get to do so many wonderful things and meet new people and learn so much. i feel like the possibilities are endless in this situation. I have so much to learn. I have so much to learn.
I am so mixed right now from extremly happy to nervously anxious. I know I am going to accept my invitation but i'd just like to know a little about this country before I say yes to this. And also I want to tell my mom before I accept this invitation but I haven't had the heart to tell her. But I have to.
I'm nervous to tell my whole family. I don't think they'll understand. And I don't want to sit here for the rest of the time before I leave defending my decisions. but it'd be wrong of me not to say anything about it since I am leaving for two years.
How am I going to pack for two years? How am I going to tell my one or two friends? I'm going to tell them like it is. I counted down I have about six weeks before departure. I have six more weeks to say my goodbyes and farewells and to pack and move out of my house. Because when I come back I don't expect to live at home with my mom anymore. And if for the slight chance I am, it won't be for that long.
My heart is heavy with so many emotions right now. But mostly nervousness has been overpowering me. I've only told three people. My brothers and Jessica.
My other situation is that I've been kinda sort of dating two guys and i have to tell them as well but I don't want to. But I DO HAVE TO. . .eventually.
When I see it on paper 2010 is such a long ways away. But regardless of the date it's goign to be 27 months at anytime of the year. I'm just not feeling that I won't be home for Christmas this year. I won't be home for 3 Christmas's. I think that is going to make me homesick missing holidays like christmas, thanksgiving, new years and fourth of july. And I'm going to miss dating. I was really hoping that'd I meet someone during training that was also a volunteer. I'm hoping that there are people there that I can connect with. So that I don't feel as lonely as I am.
But right now I already am pretty lonely. I just try to spend time with people when i can on the weekends. It seems to be working to help keep my sanity.
I think i'm ready but I don't think anyone could ever be ready for something like this. This is bigger than me. And I want to put my all into it and make sure that I can do the 27 month commitment to serve. I think I can. . . I know I can do this.
I think i had a good birthday it was very good. I didnt really want anything for my birthday. I went out to Woodbury Commons with my mom and I got some black Tims that I wanted and then we went to New Paltz and went apple picking which was pretty fun. We got half a busshel of apples. There were a lot of apples. And then after that Omar took me out to dinner at chilis and the staff sang happy birthday which was a little embarassing but i got ice cream and cake out of it. lol. It was cute though. Then we watched a movie the heartbreak kid and it was not so good. Im mad that I sat through it but it wasn't so bad. I didn't think omar liked me like that cause he tried to hold my hand and he seemed a little more than friendly towards me and I got nervous cause i think he's so sweet and I don't want to lead him on. But I feel like i already did. And I really don't want to hurt his feelings.
All in all I did have a good birthday, I had fun with people I care about and I got cake and that's not too shabby. And I also got my invitation on my birthday and yoyu know what, that is what I really wanted for my birthday.
I am officially excited and still can hardly believe whats really happening. I am so happy and yet at the same time jealous of myself. But my worse fear is being unable to complete the assignment. Im hyping it up and myself up and I don't want to set mysyelf up for failure. But I really want to just leave on good terms with everyyone and bring lots of pictures with me whne i leave and i just hope someone writes to me so i own't feel so lonely. I wonder if i'll have enough time to write people and connect with the people from Guinea. Sometimes I wonder if I'll have an kind of impact at all? As long as i keep a open heart and a friendly attitude i think i can accomplish anything while I'm there. I just hope and pray that i catch on to the languages. I will work hard on my language study while I'm there, even if i need to ask someone to tutor me. i will work hard on my language skills so i can connect with the people better and be able to do my job better. I hope i become fluent while i'm there. that would be a huge accomplishment for me. thatd make me extremely happy. YAY!
Anyway I want to have a going away party and maybe a party in new paltz and also like a going away dinner maybe kinda sort of. idk. part of me doesn't want to make a big deal about it because i'm afraid of failure. BUt i think i should because it's not everyday people do this and i think i'm ready. i just have to think positively and make the most of it while i'm there.
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ABout a month away and I'm very excited yet very nervous. I still have so much i want/need to do. I can't believe I won't be back home till 2010. How crazy?
June, 2007
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