My Blog

October 16, 2007

I am so mixed right now from extremly happy to nervously anxious.  I know I am going to accept my invitation but i'd just like to know a little about this country before I say yes to this. And also I want to tell my mom before I accept this invitation but I haven't had the heart to tell her. But I have to.

I'm nervous to tell my whole family. I don't think they'll understand. And I don't want to sit here for the rest of the time before I leave defending my decisions. but it'd be wrong of me not to say anything about it since I am leaving for two years.

How am I going to pack for two years? How am I going to tell my one or two friends? I'm going to tell them like it is. I counted down I have about six weeks before departure. I have six more weeks to say my goodbyes and farewells and to pack and move out of my house. Because when I come back I don't expect to live at home with my mom anymore. And if for the slight chance I am, it won't be for that long.

My heart is heavy with so many emotions right now. But mostly nervousness has been overpowering me. I've only told three people. My brothers and Jessica.

My other situation is that I've been kinda sort of dating two guys and i have to tell them as well but I don't want to. But I DO HAVE TO. . .eventually.

When I see it on paper 2010 is such a long ways away. But regardless of the date it's goign to be 27 months at anytime of the year. I'm just not feeling that I won't be home for Christmas this year. I won't be home for 3 Christmas's. I think that is going to make me homesick missing holidays like christmas, thanksgiving, new years and fourth of july. And I'm going to miss dating. I was really hoping that'd I meet someone during training that was also a volunteer. I'm hoping that there are people there that I can connect with. So that I don't feel as lonely as I am.

But right now I already am pretty lonely. I just try to spend time with people when i can on the weekends. It seems to be working to help keep my sanity.

I think i'm ready but I don't think anyone could ever be ready for something like this. This is bigger than me. And I want to put my all into it and make sure that I can do the 27 month commitment to serve. I think I can. . . I know I can do this.

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